it's hard + a thought

it all goes back to that weekend 15 months ago 
when my sister + i had decided to take a short vacation to las vegas. 
just her, i + some much needed bonding time.
it was a blast.
we had a blast.
we saw some shows
did some dance dares
played a guitar for the passerby's
swam our hearts out
dined like champions 
+ shopped till we dropped
i had a blast

one thing i've always cherished about my family is our closeness.
we are a crazy family + we don't always get along (surprise) 
but we love each other, we do.

my sisters + i grew up close. 
we we're each others best friends
+ we we're always each others confidants

that one weekend 15 months ago, amanda + i talked
about our futures
our hopes
our dreams
our lives

it was then i had told her that blake + i were seriously trying for a baby!
it was then i thought i was pregnant.
but it was mixed emotions
we wanted a baby sooo badly.
3 pregnancy tests before that trip
3 pregnancy tests (-)
3 breakdowns with blake telling me, 'shhh, it will happen'

there were many times on that trip when i confided in my sister 
+ many times on that trip when she told me it would happen

the weekend ended + we drove home
she dropped me off + we cried as we said our goodbyes
i love my sister

that night i wasn't feeling to hot.
i was nauseous 
i had a headache
i didn't want to eat
i was beyond exhausted
.... could i be pregnant?

we drove to the store and purchased another lot of pregnancy tests
we came home + i did my thing + i waited the 3 minutes
+ the stick came back positive!
i could here blake pacing on the other side of the door 
so i thought i would put him out of his misery + slid it under the door
i washed my hands + saw the door crack open.
with tears welling up in his eyes 
+ tears welling up in mine
we embraced in one of the best hugs of our time together

we were going to be parents.

the following weeks were filled with an overload of emotions
excitement
nervousness
unsurity
love
fear
etc...
but we kicked into gear.
we got the crib, the clothes, the soaps + towels, the blankets, the diapers, the wipes, the creams, the toys, + the everything else.
we went to the appointments, the doctors, the hospital, + everywhere else we needed to be.
together we got it all done + together we passed the nine months + together we had our bouncy boy.

now here we are, i am, more than a year from that weekend + i am, well, content.
in the perfect state of peaceful happiness.
life isn't to hard, but hard enough.
i know that being sawyers momma is what i was put here to do.
but being a momma is so much more than i ever thought it would be.
i love him so much that at times it hurts.
many times throughout the day i look at him + against my will, start sobbing.
many times throughout the day my mind starts to run at mach 80 with thoughts of 'what ifs?' + 'why hasn'ts?' + 'why, what, why?'
many times throughout the day i worry that sawyer may be a bit behind.
many times throughout the day i reassure myself that sawyer is right where he needs to be.
many times throughout the day i run away to the bathroom and take a quick breath to recharge my batteries.
many times throughout the day i laugh because sawyer +/or blake do something delightful.
many times throughout the day i feel i couldn't love my husband any more.
many times throughout the day i'm grateful for blake, for his help, his wisdom, + his strength.
many times throughout the day i love being momma
many times throughout the day i am exhausted
+ many times throughout the day i just sit back holding my little boy + recognize my life for what it is, purely beautiful.

like many others around me
my life can be crazy
my life can be messy
my life can be surprisingly calm
+ my life can be just right

it's just a matter of thinking, "this is my life today + tomorrow will be even better"

Xoxo: This little Momma

savers + a treat

we've been spending a few days with daddy at work the past week while he flips the vacant units.
watching this little man explore has been a treat.
sawyer has been figuring out how to flip the pages in his books
+ he's still as sweet as ever.
just look at that face 

when people move out of the units anything left behind blake gets to keep.
so needless to say... we have alot of bikes.
since being back up north there are T W O di's + a savers within a ten minute drive.
so we try to hit them up once a day. 
last week we scccccored on a schwinn bike trailer
we got that bad boy for 10 bucks!
it was in pretty rough condition so while blake was at work i slaved away took the whole thing apart re-sewed all the seams + washed what i could.
as a result... a beautifully p e r f e c t bike trailer.
when we spent the day at daddys work on his lunch break we all loaded up 
+ rode
+ dined
+ enjoyed a perfect shake 
at sammy's 
Y U M

I'm a horrible Blogger I know...

I’m a horrible blogger I know, but sometimes being a Momma is just too much fun + a little bit time consuming. The little has been a down for a nap for almost an hour now

+ in that time I have folded + washed some laundry, cleaned the room, washed the dishes + swept the floor. Since I’ve caught up on some house cleaning I thought I’d use this little time to catch up on a post. So I’m hoping I have maybe another 20 minutes to write.

Life has really taken a flip for our little family. Since March we have taken a move back to my hometown. We are currently living in American Fork until we can move into our apartment in Provo. 

Blake got a new job doing property management for a few apartment complexes, one of which we’ll be moving into, + he loves his job. I’m excited for the fact that in order for Blake to eat lunch with us everyday all he has to do is walk up a few steps! 

My sister + I have currently been busy getting ready to open a store, The Green Lily Boutique, which we hope to get up + running here in the next few months!  In the meantime we have been going + doing booths at local festivals. We just recently had one at the American Freedom Festival + look forward to our next booth at the World FolkFest at the end of the month. It's been crazy stressful but also very fun. 

Since moving up north our lives have been crazy busy, in the best of ways!

We have gone + done SO many things in just the few months that we've been here!

We've gone to the aquarium 

We celebrated our first Mother’s Day AND our first Father’s Day.

I turned 22! 

It was an awesome day spent with family. 

+ dinner at Mi Ranchitos

We just recently went to the Hogle Zoo this past weekend + despite the unexpected thunder + rain, We had a blast. 

One of the elephants there, Christie, even painted a canvas for Sawyers Nursery.

 

We've gone to family parties

We've gone to a company party

Where we acted like kids again 

We've gone swimming

We've seen some new movies 

Gone to the new malls 

We've gone back to Saint George to see family

& take some family pictures

  & just all around had a good time! 

These past couple of months have been amazing!

We move into our new place in the beginning of August + we can't wait! 

So many new things await!

Until Next Time!

Xo: Mrs. T